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What’s Next

What’s next? That’s a question I get a lot these days as I approach my pending retirement from Christ United in June of this year. Everyone seems to understand me well enough to know that I’m not just going to be sitting around doing nothing. Today is my first public report about pending possibilities.

It so happens that recent events have converged in such a way that I think there is a tremendous opportunity for me. If publicly circulated newspaper accounts are accurate, there is going to be an opening for a part-time member of the English royal family. This is a job, of course, for which I am eminently qualified. I am a person who thrives in luxurious environments. Though I have no experience living in a castle, I think I could adjust my lifestyle, especially if there is a stable on the grounds. And I would certainly gravitate to the polo matches, horse-drawn carriages, and other equine-oriented activities that come with being a member of the royal family. As most people know, I am not big on titles, but if people insisted on calling me Prince Don, I think I could adjust to it as one of the conditions of my employment. I have conferred briefly with Bobby Ann about this, and we both agree that she would get along swimmingly with my adopted grandmother, the Queen.

Admittedly, there are some challenges associated with my upcoming job application. As far as I know, I am not a direct descendant of the House of Windsor. However, the House of Windsor is descended from royal German ancestors, and my mother’s maiden name was Whisnand. Additionally, I carry English blood from my father’s side. If one reads of the rather free-wheeling alliances (romances) that are a part of the royal history, I think it is not unlikely that there is a corpuscle or two of Windsor blood coursing through my otherwise commoner veins. Need I say more? And, after all, this is just a part-time job. It seems clear to me that, under the circumstances, my enthusiasm for the duties and responsibilities should negate any minor hereditary issues.

If you have grown weary of the constant bitter bickering and divisive language in our contemporary news, I promise to lighten things up some. I am forever the optimist, and I think this is an unparalleled opportunity for me as well as for the spirit of international harmony. Stay tuned.

Rev. Don Underwood